counterpoise
by Kiyoshi Kitana
Summary: Armin simply can't die having never been kissed or held. The notion of that leaves him with an uncomfortable emptiness in his stomach. [eremin]


With graduation night looming over him, only a few days away now, Armin realizes that his opportunities are dwindling away. He's not sure when it first occurred to him, the thought of dying before he's gotten to really live, but the closer his enlistment with the Survey Corps gets, the more the prospect nags at him. Armin is perfectly willing to do any and everything necessary to push humanity forward and further his goal of living outside of the walls – for good, for ever – but, at the same time, Armin isn't anything if not realistic; he knows he could die any moment.

That's why, when he catches a glimpse of Franz and Hannah behind a lesser-used building, pressed together so tightly that it's as though they're fusing together, he makes a resolution. He simply can't die having never been kissed or held. The notion of that leaves him with an uncomfortable emptiness in his stomach.

_Of course,_ Armin thinks, _it can't just be anyone._

Technically, Armin has nearly the entire 104th Trainees squad to choose from. He's pretty sure he's not the only one feeling this way, if Hannah and Franz are anything to go by. Even as he sorts through his options in his head, though, his heart settles on the one person he trusts and knows would never reject him, ever.

_Eren._

* * *

Graduation is tomorrow and Armin still hasn't made his move. Part of him knows that with Eren being his closest, most trusted friend, there's nothing he could do that would make the brunette turn away from him. The other part of Armin, however, is absolutely terrified despite all of his rationalizations. He's not even sure that what he wants from Eren is something that he _should_ want.

For a moment, Armin considers asking Mikasa for advice, but promptly throws the idea away. He's not sure he can stomach it if Mikasa thinks he's weird or a pervert. The blonde scrubs a hand over his face and sighs. _Maybe if I just don't think about it..._

"Hey, Armin!"

A familiar voice jars Armin out of his reverie. Armin looks up to see Eren crossing the rec room towards him. It's as though he'd managed to conjure up his best friend out of thin air. Eren drops into an empty chair across from Armin. The rec room is empty except for the two of them; Armin had slipped out of the barracks and came here to gather his thoughts. Now the very object of his thoughts has shown up to scatter them.

If he didn't know better, Armin would swear the universe is out to get him.

"I was wondering where you were," Eren says. "Did you hear that Instructor Shadis is giving us the night off tonight, since we graduate and all tomorrow?"

Of course he knows; graduation is all he's been thinking about for days. Rather, it's all he's been dreading for days.

"Yeah," Armin responds, sounding more sullen than he intends. Eren picks up on it right away. Even though the boy can be obtuse about many things, he's always strangely in tune with Armin's feelings. Usually, that's not something that Armin minds. In fact, it usually comes in handy.

"What's wrong?" Eren says with a sudden frown, his voice betraying equal parts concern and alarm.

Usually.

"Nothing! Nothing, really," Armin says, putting his hands up as if to physically deflect the very notion. He puts on what he hopes is a convincing smile, showing off straight, white teeth.

Eren simply shakes his head. "Come on, Armin, I can tell when you're lying."

"No, I'm not!"

"Then look at me."

Damn it. Armin had been avoiding Eren's eyes, looking everywhere except at them, knowing that the brunette would be able to see through him. They've barely been apart from each other for more than a day at a time in the past three years; of course Armin can't pull one over on Eren. He sighs and lifts his eyes, locking gazes with Eren. His expression is so open; there's nothing guarded or hidden here. It makes Armin's heart thump faster.

Satisfied, Eren repeats, "What's wrong?" Then, when Armin's answer isn't immediately forthcoming, he adds, "You can tell me, okay? Did someone say something? Was it Jean?"

Armin wants to laugh with how typical Eren's thought process is. He thinks Armin's problem is that someone bullied him again, when, in fact it's Eren himself that's smack dab in the middle of Armin's problem this time. Armin can't stifle his giggles at the irony. He manages to compose himself somewhat when he realizes that Eren is staring at him in absolute confusion.

"Seriously, Armin, are you okay?" Eren asks, openly wearing a look of worry. He leans in a little closer to Armin, his green eyes bright as he searches he blonde's face for a clue. "You're being weird."

Armin rubs a clammy hand over his face again. "Yes. I'm sorry. I just…I..."

Anxiety is roiling around in his gut and Armin fidgets, keyed up with no outlet for his energy. He takes a deep breath. Eren is so patient with him, more patient than he is with anyone else. He's just sitting, _waiting_, for Armin to pick back up his trailing sentence. If he were anyone else, Armin knows that Eren would have already pressured him into spilling everything or clamming up completely.

"Eren, can I... can I ask you something?"

Eren blinks, taken aback by the sudden request. "Um, yeah, sure. Anything."

Anything. The word echoes in Armin's ears. Yet for all of Armin's ability to know the right thing to say, to do, in any other circumstance, his lips move but words don't come out. Eren's looking at him, both confused and expectant as the pink flush across the blonde's cheeks gets redder with embarrassment. He's come this far and Eren is his best friend in the whole world, universe, so why can't he just ask for this?

"I don't want to die a virgin so I want you to take my virginity," Armin blurts out, the words all jumbling together on his tongue. The awkwardness makes Armin wish a hole would spontaneously appear and swallow him whole. The fact that the blonde's wish goes unanswered is just more proof for him that the world is indeed cruel.

On top of that, Eren simply stares at him, open-mouthed, expression unreadable. There is a long pause, then, with a pained groan, Armin buries his face in his palms. "Nevermind, nevermind, just forget I said anything."

Eren's voice is low, barely above a whisper. "Why me?"

Armin peeks through his fingers; there is a hint of a blush on Eren's face and his eyes are trained on Armin. There is an intensity there that wasn't a few moments ago. The brunette's ability to go from playful to serious and focused in seconds leaves Armin breathless. His hands fall away from his face and he meets Eren's gaze head on, though he can't help his nervous fidgeting.

"Um, well, honestly?" Armin starts, chewing on his lower lip. "Because I trust you. And… because I can't imagine doing it with anyone else."

"Yes."

It's Armin's turn to blink. "Huh?"

"I said yes," Eren says with a sheepish grin, ruffling his own hair. Now he's the one embarrassed. "I don't really know anything about it though."

A wave of relief washes over Armin; this time when he smiles, it's genuine. "That's okay, I don't either."

Armin has to wonder how he got so lucky.

* * *

Eren and Armin had agreed to wait until the barracks were empty and that, since most of those housed with the blonde were Trost natives, Armin's barracks would be the emptiest. Curled up on his bed, Armin fields a thousand questions from his bunkmates about staying on base, but he's finally left alone when he buries his head in a book and pretends to start reading.

Yet Armin couldn't focus on his book if he tried. He's giddy with pent up nervousness and excitement, replaying his earlier conversation with Eren over in his mind. The look on Eren's face as he agreed is seared behind his eyelids, coming to him each time he closes his eyes. It makes Armin feel hot all over and he rolls over on his stomach to hide his half-hard cock from any prying eyes.

Lost in his thoughts, Armin doesn't notice Eren enter the room until his bed dips under the brunette's weight.

"Ah! Eren!" Armin yelps, feeling silly that he let the other boy startle him. He sits up into a cross-legged position, his back to the wall. "You know I hate when you sneak up on me."

"Sorry," Eren says with a laugh. "I didn't mean to, you just looked so intense that I felt weird interrupting."

"I was thinking about you," Armin responds, feeling his face heat up embarrassingly. He can't help but be painfully honest in Eren's presence.

Eren scoots closer to Armin to sit beside him, also cross-legged. Armin can feel the heat of Eren's body seeping through his clothes where their thighs and legs touch. He shifts minutely so that more of Eren touches him. When he looks up, Eren is looking down at him intently, pink lips parted on a breath.

Armin catches a glimpse of Eren's tongue as it flickers out to wet his lips before he says, "What were you thinking about?"

_Kissing you_. Armin leans toward Eren as if entranced and presses his lips to Eren's. They are soft and slightly moist; it's a chaste kiss that leaves both boys flushing. Armin pulls back, relieved to see no trace of negativity in Eren's face.

Still, he asks with some hesitance, "Was that okay?"

Instead of giving an answer, Eren captures Armin's lips in another kiss, earning a surprised squeak from the blonde. Armin tries to pull away for breath but Eren follows him with little kisses until he's gasping into Eren's mouth, flat on his back, with the brunette hovering over him. Armin's fingers are curled into the thin fabric of Eren's shirt and his groin throbs with sudden arousal.

Eren's knees bracket Armin's hips and his mouth is mere centimeters from Armin's when he says, part breathless, part amused, "Was that okay?"

Armin uncurls his fingers to press his palms against Eren's chest, feeling the thud-thud-thud of his heart. He gives the brunette a shaky smile. "Absolutely."

"Then I guess you won't mind if I do it again."

Eren kisses Armin then, before the blonde can say anything else. Armin's arms come instinctively around Eren's back to pull him closer, until they're pressed together from mouth to hip. Eren's weight pushes Armin into the bed and he groans into Eren's mouth, feeling pleasantly smothered. He can feel Eren's clothed cock nestled against his own and Armin rubs himself against it experimentally, pulling a moan from the brunette that he matches involuntarily.

Eren grinds down against Armin, breaking away from the kiss to bury his face in his neck. "Armin…"

Eren's breath is hot and moist against Armin's neck, making the blonde shudder. He rocks his hips up again, wrapping a leg around Eren's for leverage. Pleasure coils low in his belly as Eren moans again, breath ghosting over his throat. The brunette is warm and heavy on top of him, but Armin suddenly craves more.

"Shirt," Armin gasps out as Eren rubs their cocks together once more before making a noise of affirmation. Armin's already on the edge and it takes all of his willpower to stop his hips from rolling upwards in response.

Armin can feel Eren's cock throbbing against his as the boy sits back on his haunches to pull off his shirt. He marvels are the expanse of Eren's chest, sorely tempted to trace the lines of burgeoning muscle. He starts to reach out when Eren interrupts him by tugging on the hem of his shirt.

"Yours too," he says, pushing up Armin's shirt for him.

Armin's skin tingles where Eren's fingers touch and he squirms beneath him, hearing Eren inhale sharply. Armin lifts himself to let Eren tug his shirt all the off, then flops back to the bed. Armin pulls Eren back down to kiss him eagerly and Eren doesn't protest, instead opting to tangle his fingers into Armin's hair. Their kisses are messy and wet with inexperience, but Armin's too focused on the jolts of pleasure thundering through him to care.

Armin rolls his hips up against Eren's repeatedly, reveling in the friction. Eren groans and breaks away to press wet lips to the crook of Armin's neck, matching the blonde stroke for stroke. In the back of his mind, Armin feels embarrassed by the little noises being forced out of him, but he's so close to coming that he can't help himself either way.

Eren is whispering Armin's name and that sets him off; his fingers dig into Eren's shoulders and he lets out a low moan, hips stuttering against Eren's. Eren bites down on Armin's neck as he comes and the blonde's hips snap up sharply once more with a cry, smearing come over the insides of his pants.

Eren goes slack, pressing his hot face to Armin's neck until his breaths even out and return to normal.

Armin's limbs feel like jello. He uncurls his fingers and lets his arms fall to his sides, then mumbles, "You're heavy, Eren…"

Eren rolls off of him to lie on his side and his eyes sweep over Armin as he shifts to face him. The blonde looks delicate as he is, flushed pink from the waist up, hair fanned out cross his pillows. Eren throws an arm over Armin's waist and says, after a brief moment, "I'm glad you asked me."

"Really?" Armin snuggles up closer to Eren, twining their legs together. Armin remembers that they've laid like this once before, when they were younger. It feels both strange and familiar to be cuddling with Eren; it's been a long time since they even slept in the same room. Armin can feel Eren's chin resting on top of his head. "I thought maybe…"

Eren snorts. "Like I would do something I didn't want to do."

Armin smiles at that, then yawns. He has more questions, many more, but the steady drum of Eren's heart acts as lullaby, making him drowsy. Burying his face in the brunette's chest, he inhales the scent of him, part standard issue soap, part something uniquely Eren. He sighs when Eren's hold on him tightens.

In this moment, Armin doesn't want for anything else.


End file.
